


Stuck Outside of L.A. With The Vampire Blues Again

by Barb Cummings (Rahirah)



Series: The Barbverse [48]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 16:04:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/420740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rahirah/pseuds/Barb%20Cummings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you don't want to be forgiven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck Outside of L.A. With The Vampire Blues Again

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in the same universe as _A Raising In the Sun_ et al., and contains spoilers for previous works in the series.

When Angel walked into the Hyperion's lobby, the sick dread in his eyes convinced Willow for a moment that he already knew exactly what she'd done. She imagined the news flying L.A.-wards through the billowy-coat-wearing, redemption-seeking mystical detective grapevine: _Yeah, Nick Knight here. John Constantine just called, and Willow Rosenberg screwed up again. Tell Angel._ The she remembered the bad news she'd been bearing the last time he'd walked into this hotel to find her sitting there waiting for him with the serious face of seriousness. _No, Willow, it is not in fact all about you._ "Buffy's not dead," she blurted out. "Nobody is. Nobody important, anyway. Except me, and that's old news, ha ha!"

Angel did one of those stone-faced, blink-and-you-miss-it double-takes. "That's... good." He ran one hand through his brush of dark hair and looked down at her, perplexed. Or possibly just bored. You'd think he'd be easier to read now that he was human and she wasn't, but his heartbeat ticked away metronome-steady, and his scent was just end-of-the-day guy-smell and a fading hint of Old Spice. He darted a helpless look around the lobby, as if hoping Cordelia or Gunn would miraculously emerge from the elevator or pop out from behind the bell desk, and relieve him of the dire necessity of small talk. But the only heartbeat in the building was his own. Resigned, he threw himself gamely into the social fray. "Good to see you again, Willow. How's Buffy doing? Are you going to be in town long?"

Ah. Right to the _easy_ questions. Willow summoned up her brightest smile. "Buffy's..." _Pregnant with Spike's impossible demonspawn. The shower's in May!_ No, Buffy would want to break that particular piece of news to Angel herself. "Fine. There was a little problem last month with Warren Mears - you know, the robot guy? He was working for Wolfram and Hart and tried to zap Buffy into another dimension, but she handled it." _And Spike and I handled him._

"She always does." 

Angel sounded wistful, sad, proud - was that the way she was going to talk about Tara a few years from now? "Um. About the staying in town thing...that's sort of what I dropped by to chat about. I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do - long-term, you know? Especially since my term's a lot longer than it used to be. And I thought - hey, Angel Investigations just lost their research guy, with Wesley going over to the Dark Side and everything. I may not be such hot stuff with the magic now that I'm all fangy, but research? I still sizzle. Plus, mad hacking skills, way useful for a detective agency! Also - don't get me wrong, you and Gunn are awesome in a fight, and me, more Gabrielle than Xena, but I am kind of super-strong now and if you need any doors broken down, I'm so there! In fact - "

"Whoa!" Angel held up both hands to fend off the avalanche of words. "Isn't all this a little sudden? I thought you and Tara were in Berkeley doing postgrad work."

Willow squirmed on the upholstered bench, fingers knotting in her lap. "We were." The best lie was always partly true. Not that she was here to lie to him. Not long-term. "Tara... she couldn't handle the vampire thing any longer." The misery in her voice was entirely real, if Angel was wondering. "We just decided that... " _She_ just decided that... "We should take a break. Maybe see other people." 

"Oh." Something went out of him, the broad shoulders slumping ever so slightly, like a massive iceberg starting to thaw. "I'm sorry. " Angel made an awkward, abortive pass over her head with one hand, like he'd started to pat her on the shoulder and thought better of it. "It's not a big secret that I don't think a vampire and a human have much of a future together, but... " He sighed. "I know it hurts." He looked around again. "Have, you, um, eaten? We don't keep pig's blood around here anymore, but there's a carneceria down the street - or...do you, uh, eat people food?"

"Thanks, but no thanks." Willow grimaced. "I tried, but it gives me the poots. Or worse. I don't know how Spike does it."

"Sheer perversity. Pig's blood, then? We can talk about putting you to work. That's actually... " He looked downright cheerful for a moment. "We do need a research guy. Girl. Vampire."

She was hungry, she realized. But not for... "Angel."

He was already halfway to the door again. He stopped, hand on the doorframe, turning the we're-listening look he probably used on clients on her. "Yeah?"

"I really do want to come work for AI, but that's not the only reason I came to see you. I...I kind of need your help with something." She took a deep and totally necessary breath. "I killed somebody."

Angel just looked at her. "Again?"

Ow. Justified ow, but... ow. "Again. Not exactly directly. I talked Spike into killing him. But that doesn't matter. There was emotional manipulation, and sophistry, and - and egging on of the Machiavellian variety. Also there may have been some..." _Warren's blood sliding hot and rich down her throat oh God how had Spike ever given this up?_ "...nibbling on my part afterwards." Her fingers were macramed so tightly together that her nails were cutting her palms. "I - I thought I had learned my lesson. With the whole getting possessed by the First Evil and becoming a vampire and - I thought I had changed. But I haven't. I'm still me. And this - this can't go on. Buffy keeps on... keeps on _forgiving_ me, and I can't stand it anymore."

Dark sad eyes met hers, infinitely knowing. "Forgiving people who don't deserve it is what Buffy does." 

"Maybe so, but this has to stop. I have to stop. You have to teach me how to stop. You've been there!"

"Been a vampire with a soul? Yeah. But I'm not there any more." 

She couldn't tell from his tone if he regretted that or not. "No!" Willow drove one fist against her thigh in frustration. "Been someone who _keeps screwing up!_ "

Justified ows, one/one. Angel's mouth twisted, more wince than smile. "Touche. I've never not been there. So what makes you think I can teach you how to stop anything?"

Willow looked him in the eye, spread her hands, as if he could still smell the blood on them. "Because helping the hopeless is what _you_ do."

Angel studied her for a long time. "All right," he said. "Cordy can get you the job application paperwork tomorrow. You won't mind sharing an office with her, will you? There's still a lot of damage to repair and we're a little short on space right now - hey, I was only kidding!"

Was that an actual smile? "I knew that," Willow replied, a little fainter and squeakier than she'd have liked. Maybe someday, she'd learn to read that impassive face. "Oh - I forgot to mention, I have luggage and things. At the hotel. The other hotel, I mean. The one I'm paying to sleep at."

"Then let's get you moved in."

And simple as that, Willow thought as she followed him out to the car, she had a whole new unlife. She could do this. She had to do this. Angel wouldn't be as forgiving as Buffy, if she didn't.

Right now, that was a strangely comforting thought.

 

**The End**


End file.
